Concerning goats.

What some of you may not know is that I live on a small farm. We keep a few chickens four dogs and half a dozen goats. Aside from keeping the brush down we also drink their milk. This helps keep our monthly budget to a minimum. Before we continue you must understand that goats are not in the least bit stupid and are consumed with a desire to make you unhappy. So much so that they are so close to evil I don’t know if they are not. If there is something you want them to eat all you have to do is run over to the thing you want them to eat and say “Don’t eat that, don’t even look at it!” and you could not stop them if you wanted to. Which you don’t at least, I hope you don’t because he or she will.

But I digress. The other day we went to town for two reasons. Firstly we went to take a old goat to the auction. Now in order to do this we had to get up rather early because town is 50 miles through the mountains and it takes about an hour, normally. But we had a goat in the back of the pickup. So an hour and a half later we (My Nana and I) pull in to the auction yard and unloaded the goat. Then we went to the Cattle man’s Café and had breakfast. Nana had french toast. ,I had hot cakes, eggs, bacon, and four cups of coffee. The coffee, I decided later, was not such a good idea.

Secondly, we went to town to pick up a billy goat. Have you ever been with in a mile radius of a billy goat? If you have been you would know because you can smell them for two miles. I mean they reek! A billy goat will gag a skunk. “Well just stay away from them” you might say. Now that’s all well and good except that most goats are kind of friendly and like to rub on you and follow every where you may go. A lot like Mary’s little lamb. Any way we had to drive up a big hill(close to a mountain) on a switch back road that looks like it was made first by elk ,then cows, and then it was paved. And if it was not hard enough to keep the truck on the road there were bicyclists on this cow trail with no shoulder. And the whole time I was thinking “Ok if a car comes around the corner am I going to take the head on or the bike?” Let’s see, head on or bike, head on or bike?” but I did not need to make the choice and we made it to the top of what must have been a paved rat trail. Finally we made it to the place where the billy was. Well we got the goat in the truck with out any unordinary trouble and started down the almost a mountain .but this time we did not have to dodge bicyclists we had to doge cars going around them.

We made it to town and started across. Now as I have said before billy goats stink and we were not making any friends by bringing that wad of hair and stink through the city and were getting in liberal amounts the California howdy and a decent amount of swearing.

We made it home in time for lunch. By this time the coffee I had for breakfast had caught up with me. We unloaded the goat and then we had to clean out the back of the truck. You see, apparently it was rather scary for that goat to ride in the truck all the way to town and she lost a control and made a terrible mess in the truck and guess who had to clean it out? That’s right - me. So after hosing out the make shift live stock carrier I went in side to have lunch. But when I walked in that door the women folk about lit me on fire where I stood. But they settled for alot of “Ahhhhh!!! What smells!” and “I think I’m going to gag to death!” for you see, any thing that touches a billy goat smells just like him.

Now the point I have made is that goats are evil and that the billys smell alot like a slaughter house and you should not drink four cups of coffee when you don’t have time to stop any where. I hope this helps you if you ever want to have goats.