Nothing in Particular

Good evening. Well, not really, (it is, in fact, shortly after noon) I just like to say “good evening”.

That being said, I would like to move on to say that I am in an infinitely happier, and all together better state of mind than in recent (or not so recent) posts. In fact, I would go so far as to say, that I am feeling quite optimistic about the future (mine at least).

Now, on to stuff that actually matters (in truth, I don’t really think any of what I am about to say matters, but if you are reading this I don’t think you are going to care)

First off, as most of you should know (because most of you are readers of my sister’s blog, and only read mine because you are doing it as a favor to her (Yes, I know what’s really going on.)) my sister is getting married an a few weeks. As you can imagine, the whole world is not only revolving around her, it is revolving for her. I find my self driving my sister somewhere, listening to all I did not want to know about Victorian style weddings, what kind of moving van they are going to have to rent to get all their stuff across the country, and how she “just loves all the dresses that the brides maids have” (that last part is suppose to be read in a falsetto voice).

Also, I am unexplainably accumulating jobs (that I am not getting paid for) that involve me doing stuff, for reasons I don’t understand. It does not really bother me to not know why I am doing something (it’s really my life story), but I don’t know why I am doing it.

Anyway, my sister (the one getting married) told me the other day that she was worried that I was not taking my brother-in-law duty seriously. Read this:

Sister: “Rainor, I am worried about you being a good brother-in-law.”

Me: “What’s that suppose to mean?”

Sister: “You know, being a brother to Silas.”

Me: “Look, if he wants to play video games together, I am fine with that."

Sister: *looks at me like I am a dog, stuck in a puddle about half an inch deep*

The up shots of all this (the sister getting hitched and moving away) is that:

1: there will be more room at the dinner table

2: there will be more room in the car

3: there will be more room on the couch

4: I got a really cool new hat

5: I don’t have to wait as long to get into the bathroom

Well, it looks like you could lump 1-3 all together and just say “more room”, but it looks like more things are going to be better the way it is.

Expounding on up shot #4, I got a really cool new hat. It is a black fedora, with a black band, and a really gay feather in it. To understand why this hat is so cool, I have to tell you the story of how I got the suit I wear it with.

A couple of months ago, my sister and I (the one that is going to tie the knot) where in a second hand store, looking at dresses for her. As can happen easily, I got tired of her exclamations of terror, horror, and elation at some of the ugliest clothing I have ever seen. So, in a desperate attempt to save my sanity, I walked over to men’s clothing and took a look a suit coats. I did not need one (I had a decent one already) but I was getting bored with the one I had. Also, I knew a guy that just got a three piece suit, for $45, so I was on the lookout to find a better deal than that, just to rankle him.

Anyway, I was looking at some old coats that seemed to me, to fit a traveling sales man to a T, when I came across a gray, pinstripe, two piece suit. In utter astonishment, I grabbed it, and ran over to show my sister, still exclaiming over ugly dresses. As her eyes laid upon it, her jaw bounced off the clothing rack, off the roof of her mouth, and came to rest on the floor. For a moment she said nothing, then, regaining control of her mouth, said “Does it fit you?”

“I don’t know” I replied “there is no way it could”

“Well let’s try anyway” said she, almost in a wispier, as if someone might see we had a something of value and steal it.

We made our way over to the dressing room, using every bit of concealment we could, lest we find out that an employee had misplaced their personal clothing, and stole into a stall. Moments later I emerged, wearing a perfectly fitted suit, from the pants, to the sleeves, to the chest, it fitted me like bat man fitted those crazy under pants that he wore on the outside of his pants. That is to say, it was marvelous.

As you can see, all that it lacked was a hat, and I had been on watching for the right one. But with wedding fast approaching, I thought I had better do more then watch out for one. It was then that I started my search in earnest. About a half hour later, I had discovered the hat of which I have spoken, in one of those skateboarder clothing stores in the mall, sitting on a hat rack.

It is important to note, that I had also purchased a dark gray shirt, and black tie for the wedding, and that I was wearing them while I was shopping for a hat, so I could see how it would look altogether.

Soon after I had entered the store, and begun to view the hats, one of the ladies who worked there asked me why I was all dressed up. So I told her “I am going to a wedding, and am looking for a hat”. She was very excited that I would be doing such a thing and was very helpful with the selection process.

After finding the hat, I then had to walk to the other end of the mall which, ordinarily, would not have made me happy, except that I had donned my new piece wonder, and now reassembled a 1930s gangster/2009 pimp. Take your pick, but either way, people stared at me all the way to my car. No joke. And it gets even better. I had been have a really good time, right up until I walked out to the parking lot, and got into my 1993 Chevy Corsica. For those of you that don’t know, a 1993 Chevy Corsica is a drug dealer car. As you can imagine that put my fire out pretty fast.

PS. I though you might want to know, the hat cost five times as much as the suit.